The "tut"
2006-03-24

The "tut".

It's the sound made by pushing your tongue onto the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth and snapping it down. It is usually followed by this face (or some variant):

It is how regular english people (the non-yobs) express their displeasure. If they're really mad, they will follow it up with a heavy exhale or "huff".

I have seen it happen a number of times, the most heated tut session happened once when a woman brought her bike onto a packed train going from Cambridge to Nottingham. She was literally enveloped in an angry thundercloud of tut-huffs™. I would've felt sorry for her, but the bitch bumped me with her bike. Being the ignorant colonial I am, (I hadn't yet been versed in the ways of the tut) blurted "hey, watch it lady". I almost turned their collective tut-rage against me -- luckily, they thought I was an American and could be packing heat so they let it slide.

I have been quite lucky. I have managed to live in this country for six months without seeing the business end of a tut-huff™. Until yesterday.

Walking into work, the fire alarm was going off for the eighteen millionth time. Here at the hospital, when the alarm goes off it is accompanied by a voice instructing "THE FIRE ALARM HAS BEEN TRIGGERED, PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS" to which the english dutifully obey. Even the people that are on their way OUT of the hospital wait in the lobby for further instruction. The place could be burning down around them and they wouldn't move. "Gracious me, these flames are hot, I hope I receive some further instruction soon".

Anyway, as I said, this is a regular occurence. I usually stand and wait, but yesterday I decided to risk it and go to my office, fire alarm or no. A small woman standing in the hall gnarled her face up all gargoyle-like, and gave me the ugliest tut I have ever seen. It caught me off guard, I didn't know what to do so I gave her a massive TUT HUFF back, right to the face.

It surprised her, obviously, and it actually spurred her into doing a very un-english thing. Expressing her anger at someone IN WORDS. "Excuuuuse, me, but the fire alarm is going OFF". To which I replied, "I appreciate your concern for my safety, lady, but the alarm won't be going off in my office."

She gave me a big TUT-HUFF accompanied by the HEAD SHAKE and ARM CROSS, very rare and very devastating. I thought I better get out of there before she busted out the EYE-ROLL - I don't think I could've taken that.

You'll be happy to know I made it out alive -- PHEW.