The Great Rob of the North
2006-12-20

I went to a museum in Sheffield a few weeks ago with my friend Booty. The museum had just been newly refurbished and their first exhibition since their re-opening was called "The Arctic".

Being the typical Canadian, I am just happy when my country gets mentioned in some way. When little old Canada grabs the headline in the "Americas" section of the BBC website, I feel a distinct sense of pride. BSE outbreaks, French Referendum, school shooting... I'm just happy we beat the Americans at something, even if it's just for one day.

So when we went to the Arctic exhibition I was expecting a lot of Canada stuff, a clubbed seal at LEAST.

We walk in and go to the first display on polar bears and I start talking like Calgary is the home to polar bears. "Polar bears, you say? Why yes, they are majestic beasts, aren't they?" like my backyard back home was full of them. “Did you know that they can swim for miles?” I didn’t let the fact that I have never seen one and that I have not been anywhere near the Arctic stop me. I’ve been to Edmonton a couple times, that’s pretty far north, right?

There is tons of info on polar bears. I, of course, skip through all of it looking for any mention of Canada. “Endangered species?”, yeah, yeah, “Climate change killing them all?” sure, sure. No Canada. That’s weird, but ok, SURELY the next exhibit will feature Canada, I can SEE a picture of a seal from here. Sir Paul and his legless, money grubbing, porno, soon-to-be ex-wife MUST be in there protesting the Canadian seal hunt. This should be good.

Nope, not a single mention. Russia, and even bloody Norway get some props, but no Canada. What the hell is going on here? We are the badasses of the seal world, Does a brutha gots to be wearing fucking mukluks to get some RESPECT ‘round here?!

I mention this to Booty.

Me: What’s the deal? Why isn’t Canada mentioned anywhere? Booty: Why should it? Me: I dunno, because we are an Arctic country. Seals, Polar bears, we’ve got all this shit! Booty: Oh yeah, I never thought about that.

WHAT?! You didn’t realise Canada was in the Arctic?!

It’s funny, I get pissed off when the Americans think we live in igloos and come across the border expecting snow in July, and now I’m pissed off that the English DON’T think that way. What can I say? We’re a complex people.

Canada did eventually get mentioned in the Inuit display, so the day wasn’t a total loss. And I found out that even Newcastle is further north than Edmonton, Crikey!